I know, this title makes absolutely no sense. I was sitting in church the other day and these thoughts started to run through my mind – all the friends I used to have and what all they have done to me. I’m lucky enough to have you all, my followers as my friend (yes, you are considered my friend!) and to have friends at my school. But I know so many people that try to fake a friendship with me. I know so many people that have used me. I would like to dedicate this letter to all my friends, rather you are currently my friend or I once had.
To the People Who Could Call Me Their Friend Once In Life,
I have known many people in my life thanks to moving and transferring schools a couple of times. I thought that the friends that I would meet and I could trust would be in my life forever, but you had to go and turn your back on me. You had to leave me in the corner when I needed you the most and you needed me the most. You have decided to leave me out of the big picture. You have decided to tell people the things that I thought I could trust you with. Thank you though, thank you for getting me to this stage and the best moments in my life.
I met you for the first time when we were in fourth grade. We were put into a group to write a children’s book. From the first impression, I thought you were stuck up and needed things your way. I didn’t listen to myself when I became friends with you. You were hated on when you first transferred to the school I was at so I took you as a friend. It wasn’t something that I trusted you on the first moment. It took me a few months to become something we told each other: best friend. I thought that I could trust you with anything. We talked about everything, we did everything in together, and you made me lie for you. You made me get these friends YOU didn’t like in trouble. They warned me about you. They warned me that you were using me but I still couldn’t see it. And then I made the mistake of asking if you and this guy were dating. You two were hanging out so much and I saw the way you looked at each other. You were mad at me for nothing. I told you I was sorry for a while. For a month, you were on edges with me and somehow you magically became my best friend again. I thought we were back to normal. I thought we were a powerful friendship couple but I guess I was wrong since you decided to stop talking to me in general, going behind my back and talking about me, and revealing all my secrets. You ask yourself why I stopped trusting you or talking to you and you have nobody to blame but yourself. You did it to yourself. But thank you, thank you for making me second guess everyone I every talked to. Thank you for making me have these amazing friends I do. If I was still your friend, I probably wouldn’t be able to have these friends or be able to do anything I wanted to do. You would be holding me back and making me do what YOU wanted to do. You talk about how you want to repair things with me but you never tried. You have had all these opportunities to do so but you just haven’t. Don’t bother because I don’t even know where to start with you. Thank you though. Thank you.
The first time I saw you I thought that you were some gothic freak and someone who hated life. You had a nose ring in and black hair. Black clothing and black eyeliner. Until the one day, we were running in gym class outside. I decided to come up to you and run with you. Luckily we only had one lap left before we could stop. As a book freak, of course, people notice that. You did and we spent the whole time talking about Harry Potter. We talked about Harmonie and Ginny. Somehow we got on the topic of a certain author and I found out we went to the same church and you also played the clarinet. Like that, we were friends. We talked about how we were going to be getting married and our friend, ‘Peanut Butter’ was going to marry us. We came up with the game of Hit the Ann and how we were going to rip the hair off of Goldilock’s legs. Then high school hit. We were friends through my freshmen year but you changed that year. You started to miss weeks on end. I needed someone to talk to that year because there were some things getting on me about church but you weren’t there. I had to find out through other people why you weren’t there. You needed a hug but you were never there. The days that you were, you would never talk to me. We still make conversation to this day but it is either for one of the following; Hey Ann! How’s Church going? Or, can I borrow your pencil? But I don’t feel safe around you. I don’t know if I could tell you things that are buried into my head that I need to release. Thank you though. You are the reason I can confide in my Tomato.
I remember this day like it was yesterday. Sitting in Reading/English Arts and you see me with the book, City of Heavenly Fire. You go and ask me if I am enjoying the book and I say yes. You go and tell me that you mom is not letting you read the book yet since she hasn’t read it yet. You seemed gentle. You seemed nice and smart. You seemed awesome. I found someone to argue about between Jem or Will. We created this bond between friends and my sister brought us even closer. She decided to do all those videos and talk about how terrible you are. Because of those, we found a way to become closer friends. When you ‘best friend’ decided to turn her back on you and talk junk about you, you came to me to help you. We gained a trust with each other I loved. Not only did we talk about these amazing books we read, we talked about everything. Then, you decided to start hanging out with the person that had hurt me in the past. This person fed you lies about me. She fed you that I cried everytime I hit my toe, she fed you with how I couldn’t do my own work, how I couldn’t stand up for myself, how I couldn’t play the clarinet. You believed every word. You didn’t once ask me if it was true. I tried to talk to you after all of it but nothing worked. You didn’t believe anything that I said. We wouldn’t even have the conversations about books anymore. I pass you in the halls but you won’t talk to me. I guess my sister was right. I should really listen to my sister a little more. Thank you though. You got me closer to my Tomato and one of my other friends.
I remember sitting in class one day and I got a note passed over to me from you. Inside this note asked a question. This question? Would you go out with me? Since we were in 5th grade, I casually turned you down but you did not give up because you asked me out again. I said no yet again. We didn’t talk for almost three years and because of some of the past friends, but we got close. We came up with nicknames for you all the time including my favorite, Penguin. We used to walk together. You helped me when I tripped over my own feet during gym. You understood what I was going through when I ended my friendship with someone because you had to do the same. I felt like I found a solace and I really started to regret not saying yes to your note. They say that High School changed people and you changed, a lot. I have to sit there every day in first period, and I have to listen to you talk. I have to sit there in front of you and you don’t even say a thing to me. Thank you though. You have made me have a clear mindset. You have taught me what I want in a man. You have taught me what I need to look for in a friend. You taught me that people are going through things like I am. Thank you so much.
Freshmen Year is truly the hardest year because you go from knowing everyone at the school to knowing no one. All the people you thought you knew have changed and you have to make yourself noticeable if you want to survive. You have to make yourself out there. You were not afraid of that when I met you in my very first class my freshmen year. You were loud, crazy, and very down to earth. I don’t remember when I first met you was, the moment where I should have said, I think we are friends. I remember after you shared your story about your dad, I wanted to get to know you better. So I did. We had gym together as well so we saw a lot of each other. We ate lunch together and it was almost always fun. Well,, I thought it was fun. I thought that you brought in your friends was going to be a good thing but it wasn’t. I saw my grades change from being amazing to going down to like 90’s. (I know that sounds really good still but I was not used to that.) We had the same birthday and everything. It was like a miracle we found each other. You made me a better person but I always didn’t like your friends. It was rare to see you without them so I couldn’t just ask you to drop them and only hang out with me. We went from being good friends one moment and then to nothing. I saw it from the time our birthdays came around. I brought you a bag of your favorite gummies and you couldn’t even remember that it was my birthday. You stopped walking to class with me. You just stopped talking to me in general. It breaks my heart but ever since we stopped talking, I seem a lot happier. I don’t feel so weird hanging out around people. I don’t feel weird at lunch and I don’t see my grades as low. Thank you though. You taught me to stand up for myself and tell a person no at times.
Thank you seriously to the friends that I have today. And you all know who you are. We all basically have one thing in common: band. What they say about people gaining a bond in band and music is true. You become this one big family that will be there for each other at all times. We pass each other in the hallway and we actually say high to each other. You broke me out of this shell I never thought I have. You walk with me to my next class and we actually have these hilarious conversations. We have these inside jokes and we have the most weirdest Snapchats with each other. We take pictures with each other and we buy each other food. We argue about if we will be sitting outside for lunch or inside. We spend the whole time during class laughing because of something one of you do. We understand each other on a level that we know what each other is thinking with just a look. As you can see, I haven’t had the luck as most people have when it comes to friends. But you guys make everything seem better. There are things that I can’t do with you all the time since you are all seniors and I am just a sophomore but you try to add me in so much. You welcomed me with open arms and it is just so humbling to know that you guys will always be there for me even after you graduate. It hard to believe that you guys are basically done playing in bad with us and you are making me suffer in one ear and making my mouth hurt. But it is worth it because you will be there to cheer me up and make my other ear usable. There are times where I still can’t wrap my head around the two obvious points of my friendship with you guys.
- You guys are actually friends with me and you actually care about the things going on in it. You actually are thinking about me and warning me in the best way as you can.
- 3 out of the 6 amazing friends I have are graduating this year and I have no clue what I am going to do with myself.
Thank you to all the people that have ever played a role in my life, either as a person I can’t trust anymore or the people I include in my friend group. Each and every one of you has changed my life somehow and made it into this amazing life I have now.
I would also like to thank Jenny Han for inspiring this little letter with her book series To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before because it was so amazing! I want to go and binge read the first two books again and pick up the third book really soon but I don’t have time to right now. And you have no idea how good this feels to let this all go. I hope this all teaches you all something, and it is more than just: Ann is terrible at friendships. You all are considered my friends and I love you all. All of your comments and likes, and yes, even your views do mean something to me. Thank you.
Have you ever had problems with friends before? What is one piece of advice you would have told yourself when you were in high school or middle school? What is the name of your best friend? Do you even believe in having one friend who triumphs over all the other friend? Who was the last friend you texted? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!